He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
