I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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