I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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