in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
