im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
