12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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