It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dick very happy bro
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize