Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we're making bets on your personal life
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
