I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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