from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
