I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
