Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
