so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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