I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Send help, water and tortillas.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
