you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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