i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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