mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
