Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
