Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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