I smell stomach acid.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
