nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
