You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
