the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
