Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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