and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
