I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My cat gives me a boner
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
