they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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