Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
