Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
