I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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