He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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