woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
