I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
