guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
