I'm sorry my penis didn't work
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
