Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
