That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
