He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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