i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
