your room smells of hookers.
And success
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
