I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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