I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
