Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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