Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
