Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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