Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
