She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I party with great urgency now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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