i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
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Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
please don't ironically join a cult
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