come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
FUCK WHALES
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
