as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This baby is an asshole
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
