I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
