Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
