so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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