There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
