from now on my penis is your penis
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
