After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When are your genitals available?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
