Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just blew my weed a kiss
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
