so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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