I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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