am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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