i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
