Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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