Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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