i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
