May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
