Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
