i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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