and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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