Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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