enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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