Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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