so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
