You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i've created a new STD.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
