I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
