Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
