He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
