dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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