yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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